Conflicting Emotions

(Fushigi Yuugi Chapter Five)

Suzaku no Miko, Miaka-sama, was struck by Tamahome’s kindness and was strongly attracted to him. The Emperor, Hotohori, confessed his love--or rather, he proposed to Miaka-sama. Miaka-sama wanted to learn Tamahome’s true feelings, but she fell, sick, in the rain.

The morning was bright and airy, in sharp contrast to the dim shadows inside the Emperor of Konan’s palace. Tamahome and Nuriko stood stiffly next to Miaka’s bed, Hotohori kneeling on the floor beside them. He gently poured soup into the ill girl’s mouth. Her cheeks were flush with fever, and her body drenched with sweat. She swallowed the soup and breathed heavily before collapsing limply back onto the sheets.

"Miaka," Hotohori whispered, fear in his voice.

Fists clenched, Tamahome’s own voice was subdued. "Sumimasen. I was with her when this happened."

"Tamahome." The Emperor stood. "What happened in the city? The reasons this happened will determine whether or not I punish you." His tone was iced with the cold steel of a born ruler.

The events vividly replayed themselves in Tamahome’s mind, forcing him to relive the truth in glaring detail.

Her voice echoed through his spirit, "It is! Because I--I’m--I’m in love with you!"

After everything he had seen and overheard in Hotohori’s room the other evening, he could never tell the full story. Tamahome’s eyes were cast in shadow when he answered his Emperor. "I helped her when a gang tried to pick a fight."

Hotohori silently watched him, eyes narrowed.

"Emperor--" a voice called from the side. "Miko is very weak. Being Suzaku no Miko is a heavy responsibility," the Imperial doctor solemnly stated. "She is stressed and exhausted, both physically and mentally. Completely worn out. She is a strong girl, but her spirit..." he trailed off.

"Will she recover?" Hotohori asked.

The doctor closed his eyes. "I can’t be certain."

"Mother—" The weak, trembling whisper barely managed to escape Miaka’s dry lips. "Onii-chan..."

Suzaku’s Shichiseishi stared down at the girl, stiff with worry. Standing over her, the truth hit Tamahome like one of his own enraged punches. "You....want to go back, " he whispered, eyes wide.

"To your world?" Hotohori queried in a low voice. The sadly bent his head, then straightened. "Tamahome. Nuriko."

"Hai," they answered together.

"I want to talk with you." The Emperor left the room without another word.

*******

Inside the Emperor’s state room, Hotohori leaned his arms on his wooden desk. Tamahome and Nuriko stood on either side of the room, facing him.

"Is there anything we can do for her?" Hotohori asked, leaning forehead onto clasped hands. He silently studied the wood grain of his desk, mind blank. "She will worsen if we don’t do something."

Nuriko delicately held a plump cherry in her hand. "In her case, I say let her return to her own world." She tossed the bit of fruit in her mouth.

"Nuriko, behave yourself!" Tamahome admonished.

"But who knows the way to the other world?" Hotohori asked himself, mind hopelessly running over the possibilities. A name leaped into focus, and he started. "Taiitsu-kun!"

"Taiitsu-kun?" the other two echoed.

Solidly returning their gazes, Hotohori continued, "Yes. The one who gave us The Four Gods’ Sky and Earth. A benevolent wizard from Mount Taikyoku. Taiitsu-kun may know how to send Miaka back to her world."

The Emperor voice rang out sharply through the still air, "Bring me The Four Gods’ Sky and Earth of Suzaku!"

*******

"I’m in love with you!" Miaka yelled at the distant Tamahome. She felt her heart pounding, out of control, within her breast. She clamped her hands over her mouth in shock. Dismay raced through her when she realized what she had let escape her lips.

The man stood silently for a moment, then slowly looked over his shoulder. "Sorry. I don’t feel the same." He disappeared into the darkness.

"Tamahome," Miaka whispered after his apparition. The flush slowly faded from her cheeks, her eyes opened, and the ceiling came into fuzzy focus. "Where am I?" She struggled to organize her mind, then suddenly gasped at the fading memory of her dream. Miaka rolled over onto her side, eyes quivering. That’s right! I...Tamahome....how stupid of me! I’ve fallen in love, and I’ve already lost him. Tears spilled from her eyes; Miaka hid her head in her arms. How can I ever face Tamahome now? Her shoulders silently shook.

The door hinges squealed. She pushed herself up from the sheets.

"Dare?"

"Miaka." A shadowed figure walked towards her, the light from her bedside lantern slowly revealing Hotohori’s regal form.

"Hotohori," Miaka welcomed with a fatigued smile.

"Daijoubu ka?"

"Yes. A bit weak, though."

He sat beside her on the large bed, his voice gentle. "Miaka, don’t worry. I’ve found a way to return you to your world."

She leaned forward and placed a hand on his arm. "Hontou?"

A stately nod was her answer. "We will go see Taiitsu-kun."

"Taiitsu-kun?"

"To send you back, we have to travel to Mount Taikyoku, where Taiitsu-kun lives. Only Miko’s Shichiseishi can take you with their powers." Hotohori lifted his graceful hands to his red and gold imperial cap. He raised the cap from his head. His long hair, freed from its constraint, cascaded in gray waves to settle around his shoulders in a luxurious sea. Strong and confident, Hotohori’s eyes held Miaka’s own. "It is far away, but I, Tamahome, and Nuriko will take you there."

Miaka ripped her gaze away from Hotohori’s compelling eyes and stared down at the bed sheets. "But Konan country will be in trouble if I leave. It needs me."

Hotohori leaned close to the girl; his hand caressed her face. "It’s okay. I have expected too much of you." He stroked her cheek. "It is more important for you to take care of your heath right now."

Miaka’s voice trembled at his gentle touch. "Hotohori..." She could not find the words.

As if sensing her distress, the Emperor spoke before she could continue. "But I want you to make a promise."

"Yakusoku?"

His face, so very close to her own, filled her vision. She could feel the heat of his body on her already flushed skin. Hotohori’s eyes spoke more than any words could ever convey. "After you go back to your world and are well again, please return. Return to this country, and return to me." He closed the windows to his soul and hugged Miaka tightly against his chest.

Embraced in his strong arms, surrounded by his presence, the Emperor overwhelmed Miaka’s mind. Confused, she tried to make sense of the emotions pulling at her heart. Hotohori worries so much about me. But—of course. If I can go back to my world, I’ll be able to forget about Tamahome. Finally able to settle on a plan, the girl’s mind eased. In the meantime, I’ll apologize to him for saying those things and placing him in that situation. I’ll say "I’m sorry."

*******

Tamahome silently leaned against the wall outside Miaka’s door. He stayed there a moment longer before pushing away to silently walk down the causeway, hands in pockets, mind turning over the import of what he had again witnessed between Miaka and the Emperor.

Behind him, Nuriko skidded around the corner of the building, fuming. With a snarl, the maiden heaved a table at him. The heavy wooden piece of furniture slammed full-length into his back, sending Tamahome face-first onto the floor.

"What’s with the grief-stricken face?!" Nuriko snarled above him, rolling up her sleeves. "It’s your own fault for dumping her!"

Tama-chan shoved the table off and leaped upwards, arms waving. "Shut up!" He yelled in her face. "This has nothing to do with you!"

"Yes it does!" Nuriko yelled back, hands on hips. She suddenly clutched his shirt, eyes huge and sparked with desperation. "If I don’t do something, the Emperor won’t notice me!" She took a deep breath and shifted her grip to Tamahome’s throat, throttling him with her vice-like grip. His face turned red, eyes popping out of their sockets.

"So would you kindly apologize to Miaka?!?" she demanded. Caught up in the moment, the woman dropped Tamahome and clutched her hands together, eyes closed in bliss, imaging a star-lit heaven. "Then the Emperor will be mine!" she breathed.

Tamahome gasped for air, hands massaging his abused neck. "You’re so damned selfish!"

She snapped one arm straight out, index finger waving in his face. "What? Aren’t you a man? You hurt her." Her face grew cocky. "You love Miaka, don’t you."

Tamahome just stood there, sweat drop prominent.

Nuriko smiled evilly at his silence, a much better answer than any words. "What a pity. You’re jealous of the Emperor."

His expression turned nasty, and he leaned forward, hands on his own hips. "Jealous? Humph! Me?" He snorted. "Let’s stop kidding ourselves. I just met Miaka a short time ago." He turned away and smiled. "Me, I have a soft spot for only one thing: for--mon--ey." He accented each blessed syllable with a shake of his finger, then spun about and walked away. "That’s why I’m not jealous," he insisted.

Nuriko let him leave, disbelief written all over her face. Baka.

Tamahome walked around the corner of the building, paused, and resumed leaning against the wall. He tiled his head back and studied the sky, mind roiling.

"Jealous, eh?" It bothered him that Nuriko might very well be right.

*******

Miaka and her three Shichiseishi stood in the center of the Palace courtyard, surrounded by servants and soldiers. Everyone was bustling about, packing saddlebags and preparing for the upcoming journey to Mount Taikyoku.

"Emperor, you needn’t accompany them," one of Hotohori’s advisors stated.

Hotohori’s voice had a trace of a smile. "Now, now, if an Emperor can’t travel his own country, then how can he rule?"

"But even dressed casually, you still look too dignified to pass for a commoner."

Laughing, Hotohori turned and playfully pushed the other man’s forehead with one finger. "No matter how you word it, it’s still a compliment." He laughed again.

Miaka watched him with tired frustration. "It would be better for everyone if he wasn’t so narcissistic." A sudden sound from behind made her turn. With trembling eyes, she watched Tamahome lifted a bundle up from the ground.

He had changed his blue tunic with yellow trim for a dark shirt that had a sleeveless gray overtunic, tired around his waist with a red sash. As if sensing her gaze upon him, Tamahome looked up to meet the girl’s eyes. He started. The pair quickly snapped about to face in opposite directions.

Nuriko stood between them, her maids making last-minute adjustments to her own traveling robes. The third Shichiseishi looked from the blushing girl to the nervous man, then back again, and realized the sour truth. They haven’t made up yet! She inwardly screamed and waved her arms in the air, fuming with impatience and anger. How frustrating!!

Completely unaware of the conflict with his fellow Shichiseishi and Miko, Hotohori gave his final orders to his retainers. Mounted on his horse, Miaka perched in the saddle in front of him, he addressed his counselors one last time. "Look after things during my absence."

The heavy palace doors swung open. The Emperor nudged his horse forward, and they trotted forth into the city. Tamahome and Nuriko followed on their own mounts, the three horses’ hooves clopping out a sharp staccato tune on the cobblestones.

Behind them, the Palace retainers solemnly watched their beloved Emperor leave them without a backward glance.

*******

The group steadily traveled over the crest of a barren hill, the city of Konan reduced to a glittering emerald in the distance. The sun burned through the hot morning air, bathing the land around them with harsh light. The landscape was disturbingly barren and devoid of life, a wasteland decorated only with dust, rocks, and bleached bones.

"Now that we are on our way, we will be fine," Hotohori commented. He pulled back the cowl of Miaka’s protective cloak. Riding beside the pair, Tamahome glanced at her from the corner of his eye, then quickly averted his gaze.

Miaka bit her lip and stared down at the horse’s wiry mane. Th--this is awkward.

Feeling the tension himself, Tamahome gritted his teeth. We need to make conversation, or something. His hands tightened on the reins.

This heavy atmosphere needs to be lightened, Miaka’s thoughts unknowingly echoed. In a sudden spurt of energy, the girl brandished an imaginary twig in the air. "I bought this stick today!" she called out. "Suteki!!"

The dry wind blew past with a soft whoosh. Miaka wisely decided to let the atmosphere remain as heavy as it wanted.

*******

Wasteland left behind, the four travelers camped for the night in a misty wood, a sharp contrast to the journey’s bleary beginning. The cool, moist air was a relief on their parched skin.

Hotohori and Tamahome sat on the ground, resting weary muscles. A concealing distance away, Miaka leaned her forehead heavily against a sturdy tree. "The fever’s back," she softly gasped out, eyes squeezed closed against the relapse. "I overdid it today."

A shadow fell over the girl, "Miaka," Nuriko playfully called.

The girl snapped straight with a gasp, then turned and tiredly smiled when she saw who it was. "Nan da, Nuriko ka?"

"Ne ne, you’re feeling pain, yes?" The woman’s hands were clasped together; she leaned invitingly forward. "I’ll tell ya something good!" She pointed away into the trees with one long, graceful hand. "Deeper in the forest, there’s a waterfall. It has the power to cure disease. Why don’t you try it?" Nuriko smiled most benignly. "Might make you feel better."

"Nuriko." Miaka blinked, then stood. "Okay....thank you. You’re a real friend." The girl trotted away in the direction the other had indicated. "Don’t tell Tamahome," she said over her shoulder, not wanting him or the Emperor to worry about her relapse.

"Okay!" Nuriko agreed with an unseen, manipulative smile.

*******

His head pillowed on his saddlebags, Tamahome rolled over onto his right side, softly snoring. Nuriko walked up to him and clamped a strong hand around his ankle. She hauled him away from their camp, his head knocking against the rocks that conveniently appeared in the path.

"What is it with you?!" Tamahome demanded, eyes filled with tears of pain.

Nuriko leaned close to him. "I have a message from Miaka." She smiled. "‘I’ll wait for you by the waterfall.’"

"Why me?!" he snarled.

Her eyes suddenly blazing, Nuriko clamped both hands around his neck and shook Tamahome like an enraged terrier with a scrawny rat. "Be a man! Don’t hurt the girl’s feelings!" she yelled at him, then suddenly dropped him to the ground. She turned away with a happy smile, confident with her plan. "Ja ne!"

*******

Miaka carefully made her way through the dense foliage of the darkening woods. Insects and birds sang around the girl, accompanying her journey. A cool scent carried on the breeze made her run the last few steps.

"Here it is!" She smiled.

The waterfall was a tiny cascade that chuckled soothingly into the expanse of a moonlight pool. Yokatta. I don’t want everyone to worry about me. The girl shrugged out of her jacket and dropped it with relief onto the damp grass.

*******

"Suzaku no Miko found the waterfall in the deep forest and removed her clothes."

 

Yui silently studied the line drawing of the undressing woman on the page of The Four Gods’ Sky and Earth. Eyes trembling, she held the back of her hand to her forehead. Her cheeks were flushed, and sweat collected in hot droplets on her skin.

I have the same fever as Suzaku no Miko. And before, I had blood on my uniform--then, I was drenched with water. The realization hit her with a sudden chill. Everything that happens to Suzaku no Miko, also happens to me!

The girl leaned over the book, bracing her hands on either side of its fading pages. She had to keep reading.

*******

Miaka stood, the water lapping about her bare shoulders. "It’s warm, like a hot spring," she said to herself. Behind her, a shadow passed over the water next to the grassy bank.

Tamahome walked, pouting, his arms crossed behind his head.  "I’m going, but not because Miaka asked me to. I’m bored, that’s why."

A heavy black form slipped from the bank into the water with a loud splash. Miaka turned at the noise and screamed.

Fear lanced through Tamahome’s body. "Miaka!" he shouted.

The girl dove beneath the waves, arms and legs flailing, trying to escape the looming shape in the pool’s shadowy depths.